A young mother’s suicide recently added fuel to the debate about milk in Singapore.
In November 2016, 29-year-old Koh Suan Ping leapt to her death with her two-month-old daughter. In May 2017, the coroner’s court ruled it a case of post-partum depression, and noted that, among other things, Koh had been stressed about producing enough milk for the baby and looking for a domestic helper.
That sparked some discussion of the difficulties that some women face while breastfeeding, and added to discourse on the rising cost of formula milk (which incidentally has doubled in price over the past 12 years). Minister in the Prime Minister’s Office Josephine Teo for instance, commented in a Facebook post that “milk is milk, however fancy the marketing” and urged parents to just buy the cheapest formula. Others pointed out that some children have allergies or other health issues that require special formula. Now, a task force has been formed to study the rising cost of formula milk powder.
I read about this tragic case with sadness. All the discussion of milk and the subsequent action are well-intentioned steps in the right direction, but they’re missing the larger point.
So what is the point? As they say, it takes a village. Does Singapore have the villages and systems it needs to support mothers and families, and are we genuinely committed to doing so, beyond lip service?
To begin with, having a new baby is stressful enough. It’s a whirlwind of feeding, changing, rocking, and comforting – rinse and repeat. Add financial stress and throw post-natal anxiety or depression into the mix and you have a perfect storm waiting to happen.
But even those who don’t meet the clinical criteria are hit with a mix of stresses, from sleep deprivation to isolation to anxious thoughts. So I can’t stress this enough: the baby’s father is a parent too, and needs to play a hands-on role. If your wife has just had a baby, it might be useful to pay enough attention to her to be able to tell if she is still in the apartment. It might be useful to observe if she’s going through any difficulties in mood. It might be useful not to assume that she’s going to manage the household by default. My husband and I both work, and the conversation about how much of our family logistics defaults to me is one we continue to have.
Speaking of villages, it’s no longer safe to assume ‘everyone’ has local support systems handy. Once upon a time, it might have fallen to grandparents to help care for new babies or share the work of keeping a household fed, clothed and cleaned. Yet, in this day and age, some grandparents may wish to – or need to – continue working. Others may not be physically able to help.
What’s more, Singapore is a global city. Many families living here, whether they’re from far-flung Sweden or small-town Sarawak, don’t have family support nearby. As a Singaporean abroad, living far from both our families, I felt this especially keenly. I had to lean on local support groups for new mums, and build my own virtual ‘villages’ – Whatsapp and chat groups of friends with small children about my son’s age. Social media, with its sundrenched portrayals of happy families’ best moments, is often cited as a source of stress and envy for new mums struggling with their perceived imperfections. But I found it worked best as a virtual support network.
And maybe it is about the milk. It’s easy to say that we need to promote breastfeeding. But many women go back to work after 16 weeks, even though the World Health Organization’s own guidelines encourage exclusive breastfeeding for six months and nursing up to two years. How many women can afford to take an extra two or three months of unpaid leave to nurse readily for the full six months? How many workplaces offer a dedicated space and break times for women to pump and store their milk? Learning to breastfeed in the first few weeks is stressful. So is pumping.
On the flip side, what impact might pricey formula have on mums and families, beyond adding to financial stress?
Formula milk prices in Singapore rank among the highest in the region, potentially adding to a new mother’s financial stress.
Might mothers feel pressured to breastfeed longer, worry about producing enough milk, or be pushed back into the workforce to afford formula?
Finally, you know what mothers in Singapore really need? Genuine ownership and agency over their own bodies and lives. Suicide remains a crime, but women with post-partum depression who might try to harm themselves need help rather than censure. And single parents are still mostly shut out of the public housing market, adding to their stress, even though few people would volunteer to raise a child alone.
There’s no easy solution to the challenges that new mums and families face. But there are behaviours we can stop engaging in as a society, and things we can do to push for positive change. Mothers can acknowledge the help and support they do get, whether that’s from domestic helpers, grandparents, employers or the infant care centre down the street, and not pretend on social media that they go at it alone. Fathers can be equal parents and partners. Employers and policymakers can have an honest conversation about whether Singapore’s workplace environments and national policies support families as much as they claim.
So it’s not just about the milk. But I’m glad you asked.
Grace Chua is a writer and recovering journalist. Her work has appeared in The Straits Times and other outlets. She is currently based in Boston with her husband and toddler.
It’s Not All About The Milk
A young mother’s suicide recently added fuel to the debate about milk in Singapore.
In November 2016, 29-year-old Koh Suan Ping leapt to her death with her two-month-old daughter. In May 2017, the coroner’s court ruled it a case of post-partum depression, and noted that, among other things, Koh had been stressed about producing enough milk for the baby and looking for a domestic helper.
That sparked some discussion of the difficulties that some women face while breastfeeding, and added to discourse on the rising cost of formula milk (which incidentally has doubled in price over the past 12 years). Minister in the Prime Minister’s Office Josephine Teo for instance, commented in a Facebook post that “milk is milk, however fancy the marketing” and urged parents to just buy the cheapest formula. Others pointed out that some children have allergies or other health issues that require special formula. Now, a task force has been formed to study the rising cost of formula milk powder.
I read about this tragic case with sadness. All the discussion of milk and the subsequent action are well-intentioned steps in the right direction, but they’re missing the larger point.
So what is the point? As they say, it takes a village. Does Singapore have the villages and systems it needs to support mothers and families, and are we genuinely committed to doing so, beyond lip service?
To begin with, having a new baby is stressful enough. It’s a whirlwind of feeding, changing, rocking, and comforting – rinse and repeat. Add financial stress and throw post-natal anxiety or depression into the mix and you have a perfect storm waiting to happen.
Post-natal depression affects as much as 10 to 15 per cent of Singaporean women after childbirth. Fortunately, KKH’s post-natal depression screening, in place for close to a decade now, has been effective at identifying and helping women with post-natal depression. We’ve written before about post-partum or post-natal depression and what women can do to get help.
But even those who don’t meet the clinical criteria are hit with a mix of stresses, from sleep deprivation to isolation to anxious thoughts. So I can’t stress this enough: the baby’s father is a parent too, and needs to play a hands-on role. If your wife has just had a baby, it might be useful to pay enough attention to her to be able to tell if she is still in the apartment. It might be useful to observe if she’s going through any difficulties in mood. It might be useful not to assume that she’s going to manage the household by default. My husband and I both work, and the conversation about how much of our family logistics defaults to me is one we continue to have.
Speaking of villages, it’s no longer safe to assume ‘everyone’ has local support systems handy. Once upon a time, it might have fallen to grandparents to help care for new babies or share the work of keeping a household fed, clothed and cleaned. Yet, in this day and age, some grandparents may wish to – or need to – continue working. Others may not be physically able to help.
What’s more, Singapore is a global city. Many families living here, whether they’re from far-flung Sweden or small-town Sarawak, don’t have family support nearby. As a Singaporean abroad, living far from both our families, I felt this especially keenly. I had to lean on local support groups for new mums, and build my own virtual ‘villages’ – Whatsapp and chat groups of friends with small children about my son’s age. Social media, with its sundrenched portrayals of happy families’ best moments, is often cited as a source of stress and envy for new mums struggling with their perceived imperfections. But I found it worked best as a virtual support network.
And maybe it is about the milk. It’s easy to say that we need to promote breastfeeding. But many women go back to work after 16 weeks, even though the World Health Organization’s own guidelines encourage exclusive breastfeeding for six months and nursing up to two years. How many women can afford to take an extra two or three months of unpaid leave to nurse readily for the full six months? How many workplaces offer a dedicated space and break times for women to pump and store their milk? Learning to breastfeed in the first few weeks is stressful. So is pumping.
On the flip side, what impact might pricey formula have on mums and families, beyond adding to financial stress?
Might mothers feel pressured to breastfeed longer, worry about producing enough milk, or be pushed back into the workforce to afford formula?
Finally, you know what mothers in Singapore really need? Genuine ownership and agency over their own bodies and lives. Suicide remains a crime, but women with post-partum depression who might try to harm themselves need help rather than censure. And single parents are still mostly shut out of the public housing market, adding to their stress, even though few people would volunteer to raise a child alone.
There’s no easy solution to the challenges that new mums and families face. But there are behaviours we can stop engaging in as a society, and things we can do to push for positive change. Mothers can acknowledge the help and support they do get, whether that’s from domestic helpers, grandparents, employers or the infant care centre down the street, and not pretend on social media that they go at it alone. Fathers can be equal parents and partners. Employers and policymakers can have an honest conversation about whether Singapore’s workplace environments and national policies support families as much as they claim.
So it’s not just about the milk. But I’m glad you asked.
Grace Chua is a writer and recovering journalist. Her work has appeared in The Straits Times and other outlets. She is currently based in Boston with her husband and toddler.