I recently came across this beautiful letter written by Lexi Behrndt, a mother who lost her baby to congenital heart disease. In her letter, she urges mums who have had angel babies, to talk about their lost angels, to say their name and tell their story.
“There is something so important– so healing for myself and other parents who have lost children to be able to share that child’s story.
For those who have no option, but to walk through the pain, I want to give you freedom today.
Freedom to talk. Freedom to share. Freedom to laugh and cry and remember and mourn and love that child openly, even in death.
You have freedom to say their name, even if you never had a chance to say it to them while there was breath in their lungs.
Say their name.
Tell their story.
Let’s move past the stigma. Though in the past it may have been taboo to talk about a child who died, let’s move on. Let’s move on for the children, who deserve to be remembered. And let’s move on for the parents, who deserve a chance to tell their story.
For those who can be a friend and a listening ear. Please do today. Mention that child’s name. Send a note and let that parent know you are remembering. Sit down for coffee and relive special memories with them. We are all in this together. Brave the pain together. Remember together. Celebrate together.
Let’s do this together.”
But it’s not something that you get over. I held my child and it was really horrific and painful — one of the hardest things that can happen to a person. ~Lily Allen
Influencer and blogger Dawn Wang, recently lost her angel baby, Ellie, a few short hours after birth. This morning, she posted Ellie’s story and her journey on her blog.
“Her heartbeat was slowing down and we knew that we had to cherish every single moment we could spend with her before she slipped away. For close to 2 hours, we took turns to hold her in our arms, talking to her, praying with her and just telling her how loved she is.
It was such a bitter-sweet moment, but I could clearly remember how peaceful she looked. Just like a little sleeping angel.
The doctor came by every half an hour to check on Ellie’s heartbeat and on her 3rd visit, she told us what we have been bracing ourselves for. Our little angel had gone to be with the Lord. Wayne continued to hold her in his arms quietly, until he looked up and told me that he could feel her body heat going away. That was when reality sank in – that our baby Ellie has indeed left us.
It’s amazing how God places people in our midst when we need them, without us even realising. We thought we would prefer to be alone at a time like this, but the company we had actually brought us through the day with so much comfort, smiles and laughter.
Wayne got to carry his baby angel one last time as he carried Ellie’s little white casket into the memorial service hall. We sang songs, listened to God’s words and everyone came to place a stalk of rose on Ellie’s casket before leaving.
We were still a little emotional when we were home for the first week, but we cried in each other’s embrace when we needed to and talked openly about our emotions, about the experience, about how we want to move forward and give meaning to our journey with Ellie.”
I was pregnant for the first time and I heard the heartbeat, which was the most beautiful music I ever heard in my life. I picked out names, I envisioned what my child would look like… I was feeling very maternal. I flew back to New York to get my check up — and no heartbeat… it was the saddest thing I’ve ever been through. ~Beyonce Knowles
So I have named him, I had a little boy named Canaan, because Canaan means new land, new life. ~Oprah Winfrey
About two years ago, I myself had a twin miscarriage. It was tough on my husband, children and I when we lost them but we never thought to name them. We grieved, we spoke about what could have been and then we let it slip away like a distant memory hoping the pain would fade with it.
The children still ask from time to time and at first, we struggled with trying to explain and give meaning to the loss. But we’ve since found what works for us and our family and we always, always include our angels in our prayers.
I carried you every second of your life, and I will love you for every second of mine.
Grief can be debilitating and please know, mummy, that you are not alone. There are professionals and mummy groups out there who will listen to you, your story and guide you through your grieving.
Body With Soul
All In The Family Counselling
International Counselling & Psychology Centre
Pregnancy & Infant Loss Group Singapore
Stillbirth & Infant Loss Support Group International