Sexy is defined as sexually attractive or exciting in the Oxford dictionary. Not many of us would describe being a mother as sexy.
By Carol Gockel
Let’s face it, how do we feel sexy when…
The Infant Stage
We can’t fit into our pre-baby jeans; let’s not even get started on getting into a bikini postpartum.
The Baby Stage
Baby claws at our beautiful tops (ripping it in the process) and exposes us to the world.
The Toddler Stage
Functional, practical togs are the go-to, if you want to keep up with your toddler. No slinky, sexy numbers allowed.
The Child Stage
Kids can self feed and stay within reach but we’re really just too jaded at this point to even dress up. The pre-baby clothes are out of trend, impractical and not age appropriate.
If you agree with the four stages above, I’m with you, sisters.
However, how we feel about sexiness has zilch to do with what we wear. It’s how we feel about ourselves. The big question is are we equating sexy with the frequency of sex we are having with our men?
We tell ourselves we’d much rather vegetate in front of the television once the kids are in bed, especially after a long day at work. A romp in the sheets is the last thing on our minds.
We convince ourselves that weekend morning sex is a risk. God forbid, a little one bangs on the door screaming bloody murder or the help walking in, with us in a compromising position. But mostly, we tell ourselves that we could really do with a few more winks. Close?
Those thoughts were mine, until that fateful day at lunch with my husband when from across the table, he whispered, “I love you”.
I could neither react nor process those three words.
Deep down I was reeling, how could this man love this unsexy looking me. I realised then that the both of us forgot how to be affectionate with each other. I forgot how to love him. We’d lost the spark. I needed to fix this and quick. I had to rekindle what we’d lost.
I turned to Google and scoured the net in search of answers. Answers that would help me bring sexy back.
Call it the law of attraction or destiny, but a friend sent me a link to The Boudoir Photographer, Singapore’s first boudoir specialist.
I didn’t waste any time, I got in touch with Carolyn Soemarjono hoping she would be the one to help me through this journey of rediscovery.
She was the one.
Carolyn asked that I fill up a questionnaire on why I wanted to do the boudoir photoshoot and what I expected out of the experience.
Not wanting to be thoroughly vulnerable, I replied with half-truths. Pretty ironic considering that I was about to immortalise my body in photography with nothing more than tiny swatches of fabric to preserve my modesty.
I mean come on, getting professionally styled and pouting at a camera couldn’t be that hard, right?
On shoot day, I was spoiled with chocolates, strawberries and bubbles, to relax me no doubt. That bit of liquid courage got me chatting with the makeup artist and helped ease the nerves that started creeping up. I was starting to feel really insecure about how I would look.
Thankfully, in her quiet way, Carolyn led me to the dressed bed in the middle of the studio and guided me through my poses in her calming, reassuring voice.
She showed me samples of previous work done, so I had an idea of the angles she would shoot from, but more importantly, cropping out the unwanted bits.
That helped a great deal and before long, I felt confident enough to pose on my own and get really comfortable in front of the camera.
When the shoot was over, I felt more connected with myself – with my body after children.
It made me reexamine what I perceived to be flaws in a more positive light. It dawned on me then, that I was exactly where I needed to be at that point in my life.
I was able to look back, connect the dots and say to myself, ‘Well done! You survived that.”
The powerful feeling of being in control is uber sexy and it really is a switch in mindset. I have to love myself first in order to love and be loved.
I asked Carolyn what sexy meant to her – “being comfortable and confident in your own skin… no matter what age, shape, size or damage has been done… owning your own sense of sexy is sexy”.
I couldn’t agree more. I jumped my husband that night.
Carol Gockel is an Image and Personal Transformation Coach and mother to a princess and a superhero.