Remember once upon a time when your stomach was in knots and your legs turned to jelly every time you gaze into the eyes of your significant other? Falling in love and experiencing that honeymoon period are situations where you would want to relive over and over again. However, with the daily grind of responsibilities nagging at the back of your head, plus with one, two, or maybe a whole troop of little ones in tow, you might just need a little help to keep that spark in our relationship alive. While there might be generic ways to bring the sexy back in the bedroom with intimate lifestyle products, igniting that spark takes a little bit more intent and conscious effort. It’s surprising just how that little spark is important for keeping a forever relationship from turning into a friendship. Here are 20 simple ways to get those butterflies in your stomach active once again.
- Spend Time Apart
Wait, what? Yes, you heard us right. I’m sure you’ve come across of the phrase ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’? This is exactly it. It might sound counterintuitive as a way to improve your relationship but take a break from your partner. Everyone needs their own space and quality time outside a relationship. Who knows? With some breathing room once in a while, you might just find each other totally irresistible after!
- Surprise Him With Little Things
Even the littlest of gestures keep the spark alive by reminding your other half that you are thinking about them. Things like sending a provocative text, leaving lingerie on the bed, volunteer to do the chores, leave a sticky note with a cute message on the front door or car steering wheel, these will sure capture the attention (and heart) of your partner. The key is varying these little gestures and spread them out throughout the week, month, year.
- Workout together
Time to sweat it out, together, and we’re not talking about in the bedroom. Perhaps your ‘me time’ involves going for a barre class while your partner just loves his morning run. Why not pick an activity to do together when the kids are in school? Working out together every once in a while can boost playful competition (perhaps even flirtation) and exercising releases endorphins, the feel good hormone, which helps to deepen your emotional connection.
- Communicate an emotion that’s not “I love you”
Too much of “I love you”s are an overkill and the last thing you want is to do just that. There are way more phrases that you can use to show your partner just how much they mean to you. Why not try “I am so proud of you”, “You mean so much to me” or even just saying “thank you” after they have done the dishes or put the kids to bed.
- Do one thing that you want your partner to do
Create what you want, rather than waiting for it to happen. What this means is to take the initiative – if you want your partner to be more romantic, be more romantic first! If you want your partner to be a good listener, then give him your undivided attention and follow up with questions to engage him in a full-on conversation the next time he shares about work or just anything.
- Cook together
Likely the one with “more” time might be the chef in the relationship (but this may not necessarily be the case) or you might take turns during the weekends. Now, how about cooking together instead? Both of you, in the kitchen, planning out dinner and working as a team. Maybe you can boil the water while your partner is on chopping duty, or you start the grill and he learns how to use the hand blender!
- “Love” in your partner’s love language
We all have heard of Gary Chapman, PhD’s Five Love Languages, but how often do you practise it with your partner? If their love language is acts of service, take care of that chore that your partner hates, like washing the dishes. If they are more of a ‘words of affirmation’ kind of person, go old school and write a love letter. Make an effort to make your partner feel loved with his love language(s) and watch that spark ignite right in front of your very eyes.
- Make a regular date night happen
Simple as it sounds, having a weekly date night does wonders. You can up the ante a little and plan something out of the ordinary. Instead of the usual dinner at a favourite restaurant or movie night, you can plan the date right in your living room! Rent a tepee, grab hold of some fairy lights, lay the picnic mat, bring out the wine and serve up your partner’s favourite food. Better yet, how about ordering in from a restaurant that you both have always wanted to try!
- Kiss or hug your partner at an unexpected time or setting
Kids thrive on routine, but a relationship doesn’t. Make no mistake, there’s nothing wrong with routine, but try to keep the spark alive by adding in some additional touchy-feely during an unexpected occasion. Squeeze your partner tight while you’re cooking in the kitchen or give him a passionate kiss on the cheek while watching Netflix. That added surprise element is what ignites that spark back into your relationship.
- Offer to do something your partner loves, but you don’t
Oh, this takes commitment alright, but the key here is to choose the things that they like for no other reason than to make them smile. It’s not about compromising – this is offering to do something voluntarily and letting them have the upper hand without compromising at all. A slapstick movie or cuisine that leaves a bitter taste in your mouth is worth it in the long run as it shows that you’re putting your partner first.
- Be adventurous
Get out of your comfort zone and push each other’s limits! There’s nothing better than getting the adrenaline going to bring back that spark. Go bungee jumping, go-karting or anything to get your heart racing for the activity and each other.
- Talk about sex
Not have sex, but literally talk about it. Physical intimacy is important in any relationship and talking about it is as equally crucial. What does talking entail? Simply flirt, just plain flirt, tease each other and be naughty with your partner.
- Make small things mean the most
Grand gestures are well, grand. And while we love all the attention and fanfare, sometimes the small things mean more. Inject some fun when you’re grocery shopping or walking the dog. You can even make running errands a ‘thing’ that you do together without the kids or simply take a stroll together in the mornings before work. Every little bit of quality time spent goes a long way to make each other feel needed and that’s great to bring back the intimate moments.
- Switch it up in the bedroom
You might have a good sex life, but sometimes switching things up in the bedroom turns it from good to great all in one night. Explore the use of sensual toys and shop for them together as it can effectively set the scene and build up the anticipation in the bedroom. There are couple vibrators in the market like the Tiani™️3 Massager from LELO that enhance sexual sensations for both parties. How about rekindling the sexual chemistry by trying out props and experiment with role-play? The intimate wellness boxes specially curated by ZaZaZu, a company founded to normalise sexual wellness and empower women to own their sexual pleasure and intimacy moments with confidence, might just do the trick. Items in the boxes include vibrators, masks, sashes, and even a candle for you to set the stage and lead up to your wildest sexual fantasies with your partner.
- Stop Talking about the Kids
Yes, your kids are the light of your lives, but remember what life was like before they came along? If you don’t, then it’s time to rekindle those moments and not bring the kids into the picture. Make things easier by setting some ground rules like there should be no discussion about the kids on date nights or after they’ve gone to bed on weekdays. Spend “just us two” moments together and you’ll find that it’s like falling in love all over again.
- Check In throughout the Day
You may say that you chat with your partner countless times in the day, but what exactly are you chatting about? Chances are the “chat” involves text messages that are more logistical than anything else. “We have dinner plans this Saturday.”, “When can we go grocery shopping this week?”, or “Are you having dinner at home tonight?”. Instead of a mere text, check in by actually calling your spouse and show them that you’re thinking about them every day.
- Ask your partner to teach you something
It always feels good when someone approaches you for help and taps on your expertise. We all need to feel needed and the same goes for your partner. Is he an expert at playing the guitar? Or there’s a family dish that only he knows how to cook? Ask him to show you what he knows; ask him to teach you what he knows and you’ll see his eyes light up that very moment.
- Go through old pictures
Just by browsing photos from your years together will help you remember why you fell in love with your partner in the first place. Go down memory lane and maybe even make this a monthly activity where you start cataloguing the memories over the years – your first date, travels together, pregnancy days and so on.
- Have a meaningful conversation
Instead of the standard “How are you?”, ‘How was your day?” type of questions, try asking high-mileage questions. These might feel strange to ask especially if you’ve been together for a long time. However, questions like those you may ask your kids when they come home from school or if you want start a deeper conversation with them like “Tell me three things that you are thankful for this week” can be used with your partner as well.
- Hang out with your partner’s friends
This is definitely something he will appreciate. If you can see your partner through the eyes of his best buds, it might reveal something intriguing about him that you have not seen before. Like how he can make funny impressions of television personalities just like that or perhaps the way he actually speaks endearingly about you in front of his friends. Who knew?
Keeping the spark alive in your relationship takes conscious effort and you’ve to make it a point to carry out these simple acts religiously. As Michele Weiner Davis, author of “The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido: A Couple’s Guide” states, “You have to decide to make having a vibrant, exciting, emotionally satisfying sexual relationship a priority. You have to continually discover and rediscover new ways to keep your sexual energy alive…It doesn’t just happen. You have to make it happen.”
